Addicted To Experience
It's not gonna be the mind that will tell you : "Listen, I'm firing myself from you, I'm going on a holiday, I'm gonna give you a rest". Mind is fulltime. You have to thank that deep sleep, great sleep that comes and says : "Mind, tchao !". Because where you are in deep sleep, there is no mind. You love to sleep or not ? (Questioner : Very much !
) Very great. Everybody loves to sleep. You don't go and buy the best bed to dream. You buy a bed to have sound sleep. You could be married today, have honey moon tonight, but when you go into deep sleep, you cannot bring your bride with you, nobody can come in there with you. Your believes cannot come, even 'you' cannot go, even 'I' cannot be there. And you love that state, when you are tired to nothing, not in a state of perceiving. You love this state. If you didn't get that state you couldn't be so refreshed today. You, everyday, a portion of the day, which you call night, you go into complete cessation of all mental and emotional activity, you have no name, you have no gender, there is no (?), there no hell, there's no heaven, there is only that complete silence. You cannot be employed there, neither employed nore unemployed, beyond all concepts, and you love that state. That state is just a clue for you in your waking state. That state is now here also. It is like the river bed, and your mind is like the river, flowing over it. That silence, that stillness is here. When the consciousness is available, the light of consciousness is on, the show is up, including the sense of yourself, I, me, you, time, perception, fun, suffering, everything, you love it, you admitted. Once it's up, we are addicted to it, we are addicted to experiencing, we love the contrast, the friction, the uncertainties, the highs and the lows. It keeps remind you you are alive. (Questioner : I guess I don't wanna die
) If you understood yourself, you'd know you can never die. You don't have to stay in the mind to stay alive, thank you very much. (Questioner : An understanding is lacking
) It isn't. It's just that you have not sufficiently turn towards it. Some other things is hiding it. Your finger nail can hide the sun, a concept can just hide that, a concept like "I don't wanna die". You're not looking for the truth because somewhere inside you there is a trauma that in finding the truth there's a kind of death fo something, which you're calling 'you', but I'm telling you it's not 'you'. It's just the ideas you have about you, which are not based upon truth, there are illusory, it's a ghost, and your life is a ghost story. And you are abandoning freedom for a ghost story, I have to tell you that. All these that you think you get from the mind, one day will be finished. You don't wanna die ? Well one day you will die, as body and mind you will die, body first. But if you know yourself which is that which is watching body and mind, and I mean recognized through direct experience, which is what is being pointed to here, not just indulging the mind and the mind again, but throught that irrefutable clarity that can come through this examination, this introspection, then you won't mind about what the mind says. (Questioner : when I look at what would be the closest in my mind of the beingness there's a clear image, an image of glass or darkness
) Yes, this is mind again. The difference is that you have an enormous respect and loyalty for your mind, to your identity, as something which is a construct in the mind. Your opportunity is to find out who you really are, and then if you wanna love the mind, love the mind, at least you will love the mind being free.
A Grand Opportunity
Is it possible for a human being to come to such irrefutable clarity, that transcend the hypnotic power of the mind ? Whereby the mind cannot influence the beingness, except in service to That ? Because mind also is being, but is that aspect of being which is chiefly responsible for becoming. If you know you are dreaming, you are already awakening. I leave you with this : it is totally possible ! I don't feel that you have higher purpose in this existence, anything more hospicious than being fully awake unto yourself. I don't put any achievement, in any realm, higher than that. You are the eternal Being, the Unnameable, the Unborn Awarness. Time is nothing for you, it's your play. But until you are fully awake to this, and know this with your entire being, we sleep on. (...) What temple will you build in the name of this seeing ? This is your temple (showing the body), worship there, find who really dwells here, in your own self. Is there an urge there to look ? Another fascination is calling you : "Come play !". At best, what is Satsang ? It, is a little bit like dropping a piece of ice into a glass of warm water. Our identity is like this ice cube. Ice also is water, and water is water. What is returning to what ?
Grace is divine Benevolence pampering Itself in its illusory role-play as 'I' and 'I'. Grace is everything. You convey the spaciousness of Grace. To remain only in the witnessing. Everything that I feel, I speak about, comes out of emptiness, and is emptiness also. Everything is emptiness. All the words, the senses are empty, mind is empty, concepts are empty, everything is empty. Everything is coming back to space, if you wanna say, even, going back to space. No clutter. No burden. No claustophobia.
(Questioner talks about having been taken into a mood after hearing a story Mooji told
) Some things, you have to get used to. That potential was dormant inside, and that story flicked it up, brought it up. It's good, better out than in. So for a while now, it's trigged, this mood is present, and it's also possible to allow some mood or some past pain to come up without loosing your peace
. Often we think that the two are not compatible, that they cannot sit in the same chair, but there is ample room in the infinity of being for every expression to have its play, and then to exhaust its expression and go back into silence. If a mood, a sensation, is present in the body, why not just accept right now that this sensation is just present in the body ? Let it be, this is ok. This is the best attitude, and it will go by itself. If you start to struggle, this is how you perpetuate this state
. Anything can come. It's like the ocean in which any sort of wave can play. The ocean doesn't say "I'm ok with ripples but tiddle waves I can't stand them". Every thing is ocean, so let it happen. If you have this attitude then you don't have any problem. You don't say that some things should not be. Everything has its place and its play. You're not that. Witnessing of that is taking place. Even to say "I must tolerate...", no, witnessing does not "tolerate" states. Witnessing is not judging, is not personal, doesn't have prefered states. When you know that, then your environment, your garden is always green, no problem. You don't say : some feelings are welcome, others not. You don't need any bodyguard for this beingness, anything can manifest. And because of this attitude, things that need to happen, like those feelings, they blow through very quickly, and they don't leave any footprints in the consciousness. If you struggle, you judge, then you leave some registration of that in memory ("I don't want to have this feeling again"). Bear in mind that if you're enquiring merely to get rid of the pain, if you're using the enquiry as a pain-killer, it might work, may be not also. It's not the purpose of the enquiry. The enquiry is to find out who suffers, to come to see that it's not what you are, but that it's the idea of yourself that is suffering. A concept is suffering from other concepts
. A concept about you is suffering from concepts about others and about yourself, observed in consciousness. Keep quiet.
Bargain For Liberation
(Questioner : Does something has to break down in order for me to find something else ? I'm scared of that.
) There is no conditions that you have to fulfill, because what I'm pointing to is what you are already. It's not on the other side of an obsctacle, to be gained, it's not a bargain, it's not a trade
, life is not saying : "Hand over your sweeties in exchange...". (Laughter, and Questioner : Ok, then !
) Well, then you surprise me in saying that. Sometimes the sense of your own clinging, that which is clinging is also not you, it's the idea of who you think you are. You are perfectly pure. You have to awaken to the Truth, to see and recognize what you are already. Not to develop, become or create. You're finding That, which is even before the created. So even this feeling "I'm so attached to my sense of who I am", you are not that. "I'm so afraid to lose who I am" is also just a thought.
It's worth saying it again : the one who's saying "Yes, you know, but I can't make such a sacrifice, and although something seems so great about enlightening, I have to hand over all that I've come to love about who and what I am, and it seems like a very huge sacrifice to me. Who wants it ? Because what you're talking about is unknown presently to me, so why should I swap what is so familiar, where I'm so sitting right in my life, for the unknown which maybe I don't like ? If I give away myself and then I've lost and then I found what I've surrender is not what I want...". This is mind you see. (Questioner : It is. It's the plan to try cool this (showing her head) down. I tried to let go strategizing, but I'm strategizing the all the time, trying to work out the next right move.
) What is strategizing is not you, it's your mind. Mind is the root, the home, the factory of strategies. (Questioner : I would like to know how to cool it down, how to put it away for a while
) This 'I' is also mind. The 'I' who's presently seeming such a strong identification "I really want to put all of this aside, I'm really tired of this part of my mind", this also mind
. (Questioner : So how do I clear the clutter ?
). That which is aware even of that which says "How can I clear the clutter ?", That itself is not cluttered, the Awareness is not cluttered. You may feel that this just a too big step to make, but that's also a thought arising in the same Awareness which is eternal and infinite. As soon as the consciousness comes in, like in awaking state, soon after the sense of 'I' comes, and when 'I' comes, time comes, 'you' come, world comes, job comes, yesterday and tomorrow come, all of this comes in. And it's functioning for the 'I', the 'me', "I must do this, I must do that, I love this, I don't like this", all of this comes in awaking state. It's like a package deal, as soon as the consciousness is present, this functioning of an experiencer, what is being experienced, and the very function and act of experiencing, all of this is the play of consciousness
. I don't know if this is making sense, but it is like this, this is what is happening. You are the witness of this consciousness
, but you, the watching consciousness is also in this form (showing the body). When you 'I', 'I' actually represents consciousness, but 'I' has become 'person' by associating with time and space, parents, country, body, senses. So the 'I' which is pure gets converted somehow into this belief that it is a particular person, from particular place, with particular ideals, and so on. So it gets more and more fragmented, this 'I' which is quite a unity, this intuition, this feeling 'I am'. (Questioner : so is it about recognizing these disparates parts and just keep placing and replacing them...
) It's by understanding that you are the Awareness, and all of this, this playing, is happening through consciousness in the body. Because you see, here, in some way, something wants to do something. I'm first trying to get you to really understand something. Out of the understanding will come everything else. You are paying attention to the movements, how to pacify these movements, and I'm saying well, even the one itself who is reacting to the movement is also thought based, it's just the idea of yourself that is reacting like this.
The reactions can go like this, and it seems it's very difficult to accept this statement, because we are so much in the sense that we are doers of our life, that we are keep asking : "Please tell me what must I do ? What must I do ?". This is the mantra of the mind.
When you're giving the advice to "just be quiet", how do you carry it out ? Who carries it out this advice ? Does anybody know ? It's just our tradition, our habit to think that there is somebody who carries out an advice. But it's not a "someone" who carries out an advice, but just somehow within a heart of open-ness something resonates within, and some response comes. But who's doing it ? Even if you think that you must try to find "who is I", somehow if you pay attention, you see that something brought you here to have something it wants to share with itself in the form of you. It seems a mystery. For some people it's just a question of trusting there feelings, and may be you incarnation, your orientation is not to trust. Most people who are used to use the mind, with a very strong intellectual orientation, or way of looking at things, they may seem to grasp these things, but this is why those questions comes : "How can I be sure ?", because the intellect is never sure, it doesn't know, how to trust. Even love it tries to intellectualize, it's not consistant. (...) Just keep quiet. Stay here. Something is working on you from inside. From inside you are beeing kissed by something and swallowed from within. How to give you direction to where you're going to go, when you're beeing eaten form within ?
You're afraid to lose control, you think that with enough sufficent control, the correct control, sufficient skillfullness at control, you can control your way to nirvana. But another one is saying, no, you surrender, something is speaking to your heart, to wake up inside.
Be still, and you'll notice that actions, reactions and interactions are somehow taking place by themselves, in the presence of your own seeing and witnessing. Give full attention to That within which this play disappear. What is That ? Is it something tangible ? That which is closer than intimacy, one with yourself. Is That a place of activity, or stillness ? Can you look at you, or are you looking from you ?
That is anticipation. It will feel how it feels. A feeling like what you imagine may come, but that is not a requirement, it is not a condition. This is prior to everything
. No quality can convey, no sensation, no feeling. (...) It is not held in any language, in any action, all these may occur on account of consciousness and the body, will give the flavor of certain mouvements and what is called experience, time, space and mouvements occuring in the consciouness. Again, these backgrounds of indescribable, ineffable, beginningless, space, dimensionless, there's nothing, no words, no concept can touch it. Immaculate being.
Buddha Means No Identity
When thoughts becomes irrelevant, Pure Being is revealed. Here is infinite peace and space. I don't mind anything phenomenal. Don't try to stop thoughts. Simply ignore them. The famous story of Banning Pigeons Feeding in Trafalgar Square. If you don't feed your pigeons thoughts, they go. Let everything be. Simply don't identify with it.
Can The Seer Be Seen ? #1
In whatever form that we presently consider ourselves, our chief interest is in ourself actually. Even if you are the most egocentric person, you are interested in yourself. You may even say that you are very much a servant and you help and serve the world, it's because somehow it brings pleasure to you, to your own being to do it. Everything is a self-concern somehow.
Because for any action to occur, any intention, it must be to satisfy some urge which is closer than intimacy itself, it must be because of the impact which is felt here (Mooji pointing the chest/heart). If I give, and there is a joy in giving, it's because that joy is felt here (chest). If some action or a thought expressed by myself causes injury to another, then it's felt here (chest). So really, everything comes back to the sense of yourself and how you feel about it. For a while, the Self, the Pure Being, in its expression through these bodies, somehow begin to take the body to be itself : "I am the body". If you listen to any conversation in any restaurant, you can assertain how much when people say 'I', it is refering to the body. Most of the time, when I speak about myself, or who I am, it is based upon 'I am the body'. How many times, when we are speaking 'I', is it refering to 'I' as consciousness, and how much is it refering to 'I' as the body ? When 'I' is wearing some psychological uniform, and when it is pure consciousness, you can listen and find out. So the majority of time the consciousness itself, in the modification that it is the body, is still concern about itself : how things effect you, what is ot is not to your benefit, what may cause you injury or even remove your existence, this is our concerns, constantly.
But when this consciousness is strongly identified with personality and body, it is prone to many feelings of fear, suspicion, division, very divisive, and its love, which is also vital even for the ego, is often reduced to a very tribal expression, "those who are more like me". So it is not living in its full potential, its full capacity, for the love that is all encompassing, all inclusive love, because the ego itself is very divided.
So gradually through self-examination, or whatever form of discipline that we feel drawn to in order to find out more about who it is that we are, or what it is that this is all about, we are brought more and more to focus upon ourselves. And the more you focus on yourself, beyond our conditioned idea and identity, one sees that even the conditioned being is itself merely a phenomenon, it's only a construct mostly of thoughts and the belief in thoughts, that I take to be myself. When that is recognized, a deeper field of being is prevailing, and it's felt very clear that I am not merely an object.
For so long, I have refered to myself based upon the support of "I am the body", but that is now clearly seen that that is only an idea. And what witnesses that idea ? So something is driven inwardly, and through this introspection that everything that is known to me, everything that is perceived by me, is merely a phenomenon manifesting in me. It cannot be what I am, because it requires myself to perceive it, to say that it is, or it is not, that is true or it is not. Everything must report to the sens of myself who I am. And so somehow, scanning and surveying and observing all that is potentially perceivable or experienced, one sees that all of this must report to the experiencer, to the 'I am the very core of this experience'. Now the question is : Who or what can I be ? Can I also be a phenomenon being watched like other phenomenon ?
If you come to the place, first, of such seeing that whatever it is, whether a thought, sensation or emotion, or the perception of time, space, you and me, world, this and that, anything that can be the product of the interrelated play and the perception of it, wether it is clear for you that everything stands only upon your acceptance or non-acceptance of it, that is is you for whom it is real or not, then you begin to have a sense of the significance of 'I', that 'I' ultimately is the seer and the judge, the interpreter, all of this is reporting to me, that's how important you are in your world. When it is clear that the seer must be present for the seeing to appear, and I said before, no thought can be self-employed, it must be employed by some other force that's taking to be real or not, and that force is yourself, so if you can come to this place of seeing and clarity, then something is already tremendous about this. If this place 'I am the one who sees everything else, feels emotions, time, space, mind, memory even, the function of intellect, anything', then the question is : can the observer of these be itself observed ?
This is my question. If ultimately without the sense of 'I', the root perceiving, without that nothing else can be perceived, everything must be reporting to that. So we can leave everything else that's reportable aside, that to which it reports, can the natural sense of myself be outside of that ? Or must it not be present as That ? Must I not be that Seer ? And if I am that seer who is the witness of all phenomenons, am I myself phenomenal ? Find out. Can the Seer be seen ? This is what I call contemplating the Self. Can the Seer be seen ?
Now you find out. Does it possess quality that it can be discerned, so you would say "Oh, yes, I see the Seer !", so the question comes : who are you who see the seer ? Who is the seer of the seer ? Can the seer of the seer be seen ? Don't get lost, please. Where do you have to go to report your findings ? What instrument do you need to assist your enquiry ? Try it now, this is called introspection. Contemplate, it's a simple fact.
I'm not reporting on some metaphysical thing that is just beyond you, later when you are spiritual enough, no, now, here-now, you have the capacity in you now. All that you considered to be known by you is only as it appears in your world, in your mind, as you perceive, as you accept or not accept. This is the significance of 'I', when you say 'I', you are the seer, 'I the seer'. Even the sens of personality and its conditioning is perceived in you. Or we can just say : it is perceived, it is perceivable, which means that it's a phenomenon, it's being witnessed. I am looking to this hand, the hand is not looking at me. I am the witness of this. Now, this which says "I am that which sees all else", can it be seen ? Is it tangible, can it be held in view ? And who would be the viewer ?
Can The Seer Be Seen ? #2
Where is 'it' located to be perceived ? How can 'it' be recognized ? Therefore I use the term 'non-phenomenal recognition
'. Who can see this ? What does it mean ? It means somehow that which is recognized but not phenomenaly because it's not a phenomenon. It knows it is, but it cannot report anything about itself.
About other, it can report, other is reportable in its presence. Have I gone too far in saying these things ? Then, who are you, now, in the light of this introspection ? What are you left as ? Who are you ? Is this finding detrimental to your employment ? What is the fear ? That somehow "I won't be able to be a mother now to my children" ? What is the risk to see this ? For what purpose to postpone ? What is happening in the light of this question ? Is it feeling claustrophobic in here, do you need to get out and go for a walk ? All of these reactions can happen through our minds, because it is as though when it comes to really looking, that somehow calls up a kinda questionning of the authority of our conditioned mind. It's as though sometimes it can appear like something doesn't want you to find out, tremendous distracting forces are coming to play, it's as though the mind starts to throw stones in the bush to get you looking somewhere else. It's like the ability to focus is disturbed, there's only blind spot, you can't see. But even if you cannot see, there is the seeing that I cannot see, also this understanding is there. Who are you ? And in any focused enquiry of this nature taking place, I don't want the answers, because your answer is going to be wrong.
I say "I don't want your answer" and you go heave a great sigh of relief, but even this relief is not yours also. It's just that an answer would merely be another concept. Answer sometimes, at this level, is cheap. What is the response to this question ? It can only be an insight, another kind of response that is not coming from the mind. I call this kind of question my 'piranha question', meaning it eats up the questioner
. What happens ? If you hold this question in view, maybe the mind will raise the hand to answer this question, but it's not it, because it is also seen. Again, who is the seer ? Where is the seer ? Is there a seer ?
What is your findings ? So something gets deeply concentrated in this looking. Don't exchange this question for another question, for a lesser question. Sometimes, when a question like this is asked, it's as though you are on the back of a wild bull, throwing you off, you cannot even remember what is the question. Gradually stay with it, and a focus develops inside this question itself.
And it's not that you receive only an answer. At a certain point, any concept can be brought in your presence and they will not hold power anymore. Try it and see for yourself. Any concept : the self, the ego, mind, world, all of this will feel nothing to you, such is the potency of this question. That is not an answer that will satisfy, it is the question that satisfy. When somehow this question holds such powerfull appeal for you, then every other question becomes secondary, has no bite, has no influence, has no attraction for you. So this means that Self is in contemplation upon Itself.
This is what you asked me to talk more about. Now somewhere in all of this, mister mind is there, waiting for an opportunity to say "Well, but how am I going to live ? If I follow this type of introspection, it sensed in me that I will lose everything. How will I live ? Somebody has to be around taking care of my children. How will I pay my rent ? Because it's as though I have to give up everything to discover this...". Then you may go to this voice and see out of which mouth is it coming. Who's speaking these things ? Question it. How can I stay there ? My question : how are you staying there now ? By what metaphysical power are you being yourself now ? By what effort ? Is this introspection unbarrable ? Can you sustain it, are you holding it together ? Is it like this ? Or is it not seen that even this is a myth. Who has to hold what together ? This is your seeing from your own self : effortless, the most natural, meaning what is natural must be synonymous with what is effortless.
Must be effortless. And that seeing, it doesnt depend on controlling the senses, taking it carefully, breathing not strongly... it has nothing to do with this, there is no conditions imposed upon it for it be what it is, all of this is just a construct of mind. So what am I asking from you : can you confirm or not ? I would call that the highest sadhana : as you're listening, searching and scanning your own environment for these high seeds, and see if can they be other than phenomenal, conceptual. Who or what is the seer of them ? Where is the location of the seer ? Can I be appart from this seeing center, if there is a center ?
Can You Be Seen ?
First, the very taste of Beingness is self love. You love to be. And out of this "love to be", the witnessing that occur is for one purpose only. It's not the witnessing to get involve in what you see, it's actually witnessing somehow to be clear that you are not confused about what is arising for you. That's the witnessing. But if you're witnessing like "Oh, what's that, what's this ?", you'll become tired very quickly, and fed up of it. The purpose of the witnessing is to recognize if anything you see is permanent. That's the first thing. Anything that you can perceive, is it permanent ? And quickly you'll come to see that nothing is. As soon as it's clear for you, that you don't have to manage this field, I say, witness the witness. Can the witness be itself witnessed ? There's no need to get heady, it sounds like a crazy thing to say, but there's a power in this advice. That which is seeing everything else, that can it be seen, can you see it ? Does it has a form ? Remembering that any form, however subtle, is arising in the domain of that witness, anything that's coming, even the memory about yourself, about what you've done, memory is also on the screen, intelect is on the screen, this body is on the screen, your senses are on the screen, the sense of other is on the screen, time, space, actions, reactions, interactions, all of these relationships, there's coming up as phenomenons on the screen. Even the idea you have about yourself it is somehow, in a subtle way, known or perceived. So all this is coming and going. That which is perceiving this. Don't create any image about It, don't complicate it. Can That itself be seen ? And if it can be seen, it cannot be the original seer, because it will have some quality in it. You see, I've not asked you 50 questions, in fact we are narrowing down the questions. What is the most potent question I can ask you ? You who are perceiving everything else, you who speak about it, who are you, where are you, what are you ? Can you be perceived ? So this question you must accept and you must reflect on it. Can the perceiver be perceived ? Something happens with this question, it's not a heady number. What happens ? Can you be seen ? You who see even this body, its outer and inner functionings are known to you, you perceive them, the perceiver even of this very intimate instrument, can it be seen ? What shape belongs to you ? (...) Where is the mind ? When mind comes back, where will you be to see it coming ? Can the mind hit you ?
Die To The Unreal
(...) (Questioner : How can I kill myself ?
) I will tell you beautifuly how to kill yourself. Or how to kill what is not yourself. To kill what is not yourself, what kind of instrument are you going to use ? A knife will not do it, a gun will not do it, suicide bombing won't do it. How are you going to kill yourself ? By asking the question : "Who Am I who appear to have a life ?". Can it be found ? Can I see the one who is living ?
There is life, but there nobody living the life. Find out if there is one who says "I live", "I do", see if you can find this one. And in searching for this one, he dies
. Just searching. You don't kill him with a gun, or a sword, or with quick poison, you kill it with wisdom and insight, with this question.
Stay as the Awareness. Awareness is ever present. Just the attention is moving on to objects. Simple instruction. That which is watching the attention and is aware even of inattention, where is That ? It's your own natural self, ever present. It doesn't move, it doesn't benefit or loose, it doesn't progress. (...) When you're empty, you're automaticaly silent and you're at peace, and love emanates out of this form, from you.
Diving Into Self-Enquiry #1
The reason why you don't ask this question, it's because there's no food for the mind in it. Mind is only usefull as long as it can do some job, it is the instrument for comparing and measuring variety, it gets fully involved. But when you ask this question "What observes the mind ?
", the mind pretends to be dead, and you say "Oh, there's nothing, there's nothing". But it's not deep. Stay with the question, it is not satisfying merely with a conceptual answer. That which is observing everything else, that power is here, find out what this power is. First of all, find out if It itself can be seen. Does it have any quality ? That which is observing quality, does it itself have quality ? This is your question. It is That that you want to know and to meet, not what appears in it. Let me ask you a question : will there be an end to what is appearing in the mind ? Then forget about it. Find the one who sees. As long as you're watching what comes and goes, you are involved in the movie, the traffic of existence. You will study, but all your discoveries will be external, they will be objective, because you're perceiving objects, you're interested in objects. But why not find out who's the subject ? That is the most significant factor, because there cannot be objects without subjects, but there can be subject without object. Find out what the subject is. Can the subject be found objectively ? I understand that this question puzzles the mind, but do not be discouraged by this, because you are not the mind, you are watching the puzzled mind, you're still here. Nothing has happened to you. But somehow, you have been listening to the evidence of the mind, which feels confusion, puzzled, frustrated, and you have been identifying with this frustration. It is the mind that is frustrated, not you. Be clear about this. The moment you see this, you are out of the box, and you will realize that you have never been in the box, except you thought you were inside this box. And the thought that you were inside the box, gave you the experience that you are inside the box. And that is recognized, I can see that I'm not contained. I am the observer of that. Clarify and confirm it for yourself now, it does not take much time. Stop identifying with any thought ot any sensation. Don't try to get rid of them, leave them right where they are. But discover that which is observing them. This is the secret to awakening
. Awakening means awaken to that which is eternaly awake. (Questioner : When you speaks things goes clear, but the impression I have is that all the effort I make to understand it's still meaning that I want to be somebody
) The effort to try and be somebody is a phenomenal mouvement observed in awareness, and you are this awareness itself. There is a profundity in this statement, it's worthy of a few moments of contemplation. Don't just say "Oh, ok, thank you !". No, drop inside, sink into that understanding itself. Contemplate this.
Diving Into Self-Enquiry #2
Sometimes, as soon as some significant insight takes place in you, and usually I can see it, something gets washed away, and sometimes I say "Go home, get inside your sleeping bag, zip yourself inside it, and contemplate this", don't go and see your friends, don't go to the restaurant, don't go for a swim, go home and be alone, give a few minuts to that. Contemplate the profundity of what you are recognizing, don't just pass over it. Truth is not an agreement. (Questioner : everything is cleared, I perceive what you're talking about, and it seems like death, and suddenly I feel something inside me trying to resist
) Yes, it is ok, because for how long this habit to resist is being there ? It's almost as though there's some thing inside us that does not want to discover the truth. When you turn towards the truth, it turns away, like it doesn't want to see. But this force is not you, it's only the idea you have of yourself, which is a mental construct, it's a play of the mind itself, arising now as resistance. Don't believe in this resistance, leave it simply as a movement in you, include it, say "Ok, resistance can happen, sickness can happen, even some sort of fear arising for the personality can happen, the feeling of personality can happen, but I am not endorsing it, I'm not supporting this, and there's room also for this in me, but this is not the definition of who I am, it's a part of the expressive power of the cosmos behaving in this body, nature is behaving like this in this body. I am the awareness of this". And don't say these with words, recognize this with insight, and immediatly you'll recognize space in you, peace is there. The creditors are coming, the police is coming, but there is peace in you, you say "Ok, let's see what happens, I also want to see what happens".
Don't Give Up
Don't abandon the enquiry prematurely. Don't give up. (Story of the police dogs searching for drugs) (...) Some dogs will only accept the biscuits when he has found the drug, and this is the one that the police would choose. In the enquiry it's like this also. Sometimes you get some states of joy, and the mind feels "I've reached !". But even in another seeking, it is also experienced and something says "But I'm also aware of this". So it still remains, it doesn't tie itself to relationship with any experience, sweet or sour. It remains qualitiless. Stay like this, cause the mind will quickly come "How can we keep this ?!" or some other kind of statement like this, and then you'll feel you lost something, which is also just a thought. But if you purchase this thought, then you believe it into existence. Somehow the enquiry is strengthening itself, you're getting more mature in your looking. When you sleep this time, next time you won't sleep there. And the urge is coming from the universe. Cannot fail. Don't settle for anything, no prize.
Don't let your mind leave your Heart, then this noise will get weaker and weaker, and there won't be this up and down-ness
Don't Let Your Mind Leave Your Heart
. The mind will always be in the dressing to catch your attention. If you go for it, then somehow you're in. Gradually we ignore, this is what the sages do, they ignore this. You ignore it out of existence, like it's not importance. Don't try to silence the mind
, cause mind is skilled at that "Try silence me, huh !" (you press it down here, it comes up there), you won't succeed, you'll get exhausted, so just ignore it
. (...) Sometimes we give attention to things because we are afraid to be bored, then you need to be preoccupied to cover up the boredom. So face the boredom, see who is bored. Find out who is bored. Let the feeling of boredom be there, you know how it feels in the body, use it as a smell that will lead you to where the smell is coming from. Who is bored ? Fix your attention there. And it will evaporate. Then that message is taking out of the consciouness. So eveything is an opportunity for your satsang. Sometimes things are sticky. If it's not sticky, forget about it. Most things in the universe don't trouble you at all. Just few things come up. They're like seasonal, they come around. When you are free of all of these, whether they come or they don't come, will not make any difference for you, because they will create no confusion, no dichotomy inside you.
What is the importance of effort ? Some effort is required in the beginning, it is unavoidable, because the identification of the beingness with the body-mind play and function is so deeply identified that it's not enough merely to hear the truth that it's not the identified itself, that it's not the body-mind. (...) The tendancy to indentify, to again pick-up the old association, the old self-image, again returns, and we again fall. So this is where the idea of effort come. Effort is also an aspect of grace and consciousness. (...) The Self will prepare the mind with the correct effort. And what is this effort ? To not go with the mind flow, to not let the attention go with the thoughts stream when they come.
(...) If I can recognize thoughts are just the activity of the body-mind, that it's not really "my doing", I don't need to be concerned about this, I'm only the witness of it, and as the witness I am the detached Self in this, then, this is it, nothing to do. But the fact is that sometimes we feel like this, other times not. So it is said that this "practice", you may say, of retaining the attention in the witness, is important in the beginning, and gradually, this retention, this arresting of the attention from flowing outward and keeping it present as the awareness itself, gradually, the attention becomes habituated to stay into the Heart center. And like this eventually all effort itself to stay, itself falls away, so the attention and the Self are united
. That is the purest Sadhana that I can speak about. (...) (Then the question comes) Who is it that forgets ? Who is it that must make an effort to be the Self ? (...) Effort in the beginning. Effortlessness in the end
Contemplation itself will gradually softens up into pure silence and space. It eats up itself. The contemplation eats the contemplator. Only silence is there. If it is witnessed that even effort itself is only a mouvement, an invitation to participate in some action to get somewhere, and this is immediatly recognized, right here this idea of effort is burnt. It's burnt into ashes in this moment of seeing. Because you are just here. In our request to come to complete and irrefutable clarity and understanding as to who we are, initially there is many banana skins on the road of the seeing, so to speak, many traps, many pretentioussness. Even to say that "I got it". But then, how unsparing this question is, how earnest it seems to appear "But who really has got it ?". Who is saying "I've got it !" ? This question comes and kicks in by itself arising out of emptiness, and it comes up to expose any false clamour, like "I don't need to search". Who speaks these things ? And in that instant the enquiry deepens and exposes all this. (...)
(Questioner : If you would be in a place like this and you would have fear, would that be using the enquiry for a pain killer ?)
Enquiring Into The Fear
No ! It's good to ask about fear. What am I afraid of, you see ? Is there to be afraid ? Fear still come also, it can come, right up to the end fear can still be there. But the enquiry also looks at it, to see what is the fear of, and how do this fear come here. And who suffers this fear ? And not just merely accepting a mental response, a mental answer. Really go into it, really stay with this question, keep quiet, but focus inwardly, keep quiet and watch this question, leave space for your seeing, stay with it.
Don't exchange it for a lesser question, stay with this question. Gradually something begins to open up, some space, some light, some revelation, some seeing takes place, and out of this seeing, you heart becomes pacified, clear and light. This fear may come again, but usually it would reduce power, and again you approach with the same looking. You don't have to have the intention "I must get rid of this fear, quick", no, just look, and mostly, it leaves. Sometimes, it doesn't feel like it has left immediately, that you will continue to look and focus yourself in it, but there is more space, each time the enquiry comes to space again, to show that you are not an object suffering the impact of another object, but space within which ideas seem to play, have room to play. Best thing, find out the one who is afraid, I don't know anything more direct than this. It's not a therapy, it's about finding out what is really afraid, and of what and experience, call up this confrontation inside yourself, observe it and see what happens, what's going on internally, what does the mind create, what is this fear, and look at it, and study the reactions taking place in the body, physiologically, emotionally, watch them, and see who suffers them, on whom is it impacting.
See how this question reaches down so deep, behind the very solar plexus itself, and it stirs up feeling, maybe dormant for a very long time, let these feelings come, let them be felt, energetically, the presence of them, feel them, but keep your eyes open, and just watch, find out who suffers it, not just try to avoid the taste of that in the body, but find out who's suffering it. This question is not cynical, it's a very open question, see if anyone is found who's a sufferer of this projection of this fear
How Does Identification Drop Away ?
(Questioner : How does the identification drop away ?
) It will drop away as you become increasingly clear that you are the witness of this play of identification. Let me say it again : it will continue to fall away in its potency as you become clear that you are the witness of even this play of identification. And you hold on to that intuitive recognition, without thinking, thinking too much about it, just like, if I can say to you, that natural sense "I Am", that sweet intuition in you, just "I Am", without any more noise, no more concepts, no more words, no association, just that pure sense of presence inside this body, "I Am". If I say hold on only to the sense "I Am", and don't allow it to mix with any other thought for the moment
, like "I will do this", "I want to do that", just find that natural sense. It's there ! You don't have to go looking for it. "I must go looking for the I Am" is already a thought arising in the "I Am". Whenever you have the sense of existence, of yourself, that intuition, that feeling "I Am" is right there. Simple. Don't think more about it. Keep to that sense "I Am"
. You don't have to not breath, just feel that sense, it's here, you don't have to be careful with it. Even the one who feels "I must be careful to be what I am" is just a thought appearing in "I Am". That "I Am" sense in you, is refered to as the godly principle in each sentient being. Even if you'red an atheist, the sense "I Am" is there. It's not "I am an atheist", it's not "I am a christian", it's just the feeling "I Am". It has no gender, it has no agenda, it is simply the sense "I Am". It's not even the saying "I Am". That feeling is there. If one simply abide in this feeling, and watch this feeling, then you will not lose power leaking out into other attractions. And naturaly one comes to complete stillness and silence, recognized in the space of this I-Am-ness
. And the play, the feeling of identification, may arise, but it will be momentary, it will be fickle, it will not linger, it will come and go. Don't mind that these feelings come, and go. You don't have to police your feelings, just remain neutral. That neutrality is naturaly there. Don't say "Oh, I don't want to feel this !", don't choose the feelings, remain as that unassociated presence, the feeling "I Am". Get used to it
. And this is the simplest exercice, if you want to call it like that. I'm pointing only to something which is naturaly with you.
I Is Always Here
The "scale" example. Identification, observing... Allow handover your existence to existence. Just observe, and feel, but don't interfere, just look. Exist just like through your eyes alone, just watch quietly. Resist the temptation to formulate any conclusion about what you're seeing. Just keep quiet.
I Is The Dream Of The Beingness
What can end, can end. What is immaterial cannot have beginning or end. (...) It does not have a concept of Itself as eternal. Eternal is only an expression being used in the consiouness on behalf of that, which cannot speak for itself. It doesn't need language. Eternal is just a word, suggesting or pointing to something which is completely beyond words. (...) You're trying to know with the mind something which is beyond the mind
. (...) What is struggling with the manifestation, is that I-am-ness being identified with the manifestation. I is only the dream of the Beingness identifying itself with what is transient, what is temporary. And i cannot collect amongs that field of what is temporary anything that can preserve or garantee a kind of security for itself. Everything it touches, is passing. (...) Everything around is happening without your control. You only have an idea of control, you have a fear of loosing the idea of control, not of control
. (...) It's just giving up of something you never had. (...) You don't have to give up anything, just remain as the Self. Otherwise, again the mind is doing it, and making theses sacrifices "what about my sweeties, why I have to give up all this stuff, I'm not ready"... But the Self is not waiting for the mind to be ready, it simply is there already, always. All this is happening in the realm of consciouness, this entire play. As soon as consciouness is available, as soon as it manifests, it manifests as the experiencer, as what is being experienced, and as the very play of experiencing, it's a package deal, it's all happening together as consciouness.
Just In #2
(...) (Questioner : Sometimes these vasanas, these things they come up so strong, especially in Satsangs, you can have these moments of clarity and then you have like a mind back-clash that comes up. It happens to a lot of people, so what would you suggest in the moment of throbbing, of all these things that comes up to the surface. What can we do ?
) They come up, first of all, because in many case they have been suppressed for many years, because somehow we didn't had the chance to share it in a positive way, in a good way. In Satsang, something is touched deeply, and some trust comes, you sense that there's a chance here to go. It may not be even deliberate or so conscious, but it comes up automaticaly. All that is suppressed is coming up when the fragrance of truth is smelt, so it comes up to the surface. And you have to be with a master, you have to be with someone who's awake. Because they know all the different ways the mind can work. And they will remind you : don't panic, this is only the effects of a kind of detox which is going on, emotional and psychic detox, all your stuff is going out. Don't do any work on them. Now all you have to do is keep quiet, switch off from your involvement as much as possible, observe them happening, but don't try to manipulate. They will come, they are passing out. It's as though the beingness is burpimg out or vomiting of some old stuff that has to come out. And it's not pleasant. Many people they are trying to avoid these type of feelings. In any sort of spiritual practice or discipline, if your practice or work is good, it will trigger all this back-clash, you used this word, it will stir up all these feelings that will come up to the surface, and you'll need one who's strong, who can remind you : don't panic, don't rush about, don't give up, don't turn back, stay put, this is Grace already acting on this, just giving up all this, all these that were giving you that sens of block inside you, it's coming out. Just remember this, because now is the time when you really have to hold (?), because here is the time when the mind is going to mesmerize you most loudly, and bring all its power to bare, and it's going to call all his friends and relatives to come, and to try to sink your chance. This is only the devil, you see, all these built up, trapped energies, they come to the surface and don't start to embrace them, identify them "Oh, I can't do this, this is too much, I'm gonna die...", cause these are thoughts, they are being burped out, and if you don't identify with them, you'll come to see that they are just thoughts. (...) Keep quiet, just stay here, stay just in. Stay inside, keep quiet and look. You see all these turbulance, but it's from the mind, from the past, it's not real. In the past you've held on to these shapes, these ideas, these believes, now they're burning on the fire of Satsang. So, keep quiet, keep holding on to God's hand. Keep quiet
Keep Your Attention Only Now
You say : I cannot see That ! But at least you are able to see that you cannot see ! What is the colour of those eyes that cannot see that ? I am happy you cannot answer. Your silence and inability is itself eloquent enough. Peace and joy will be your friends when you are not attached to anything. Noise comes when you feel that 'mind coming' means something to you. You do not need to identify with the body or the sense of doership to function well in this world. What is disturbing the mind is the idea you have about yourself. If you keep your attention only in now, the unfolding continues beautifully; without anticipation you will know no disappointment. No thought should be able to trouble you... You learnt the alphabet and you can combine the letters into thousands of concepts, you mastered that skill. Now you've forgotten your mastership and are being troubled unnecessarily. You will not miss what is important, for nothing is more important than the 'I am'. Now find out for whom is the importance of the 'I am'.
Look at It
In finding this out, when looking "Where is this suffering entity in myself ?" first, so I can say I know it all the others, even if it's not found, it does not kill compassion. (...) There is a sense of suffering, really analize it, keep looking at it, keep looking at it, keep looking at it ! In coming to seeing, it does not kill compassion, it does not make you selfish, you don't go about saying "Well it's all an illusion, so it doesn't matter", this is not what you will feel. (...) You have a unique opportunity to look inside your own being, and this is compassion already
. With this seeing, this insight, this direct experience, something will become an instrument in service to That. (...) The thing to do, having recognized that there is that space that you come, or come to the recognition of it, because it has not come, this is a part of your recognition, That what Is didn't make an appearance, 'It' is not a glimps, then you have a sense of a choice : let the attention go with the pull of the mind flow, which then scatters it into so many noisy places, or you hold the attention inside that stillness, and see that everything is taking place from here. (...) Don't try to make efforts
("I must do, I must do..."), but stay as the I Am which is the natural sense in you. The very I is there, and the sense "I am looking for I Am" is arising in I Am. This I Am-ness sense, stay with it. Don't think about how difficult it may be, just do it
. And like this already, lot of stuff is burning from it, space again, your viewing becomes open and panoramic, and there's silence in This. So come to this place first.
Missing The Obvious
What we speak about, what I am relentlessly pointing to, happens because of this tendency of overlooking or missing the obvious, and I say it's obvious to Itself, so that you see how easy it is, how somehow we are, through our attention, bypassing this obvious, and looking for something which is changeful. And effectively what we do is trying to convert what is by nature changeful in what is unchanging. It's impossible. Find That which is naturaly unchanging, that's your own Self. You are the witness of all that is playing as the changeful. Don't try to manipulate the changeful.
But if some movement comes to participate in the changeful, that is also the cosmic expression through this form, let it be, let it happen. Nothing takes you from what you are, except through thoughts. Then we imagine we have become separate. This entire universe is a great seeming. I cannot teach this, I don't want to teach this, it's not helpful only as teaching. The only thing which is important is to find the Seer in whose presence all this play, and the commentary about the play takes place
. Be completely clear about this. And you can be clear about it today, if it is your turn, I don't know.
Misunderstunding About Observing
You don't need to do observing, observing is already here. Just let there be, simple looking, without identifying with anything.